love and stuff

i've started telling people I love them;

it isn't something i'm afraid of: love,

but it's something I never say because it seems 

too significant to blurt our to just anyone,

but i've started saying it to my people back home,

and for the first time it feels like a declaration, a reminder,

that the people i choose to say it to are significant

in my life, to my life, to me–but i still hold the word

close to me, like a secret that i can't tell to just anyone

because i worry that if i start shouting it from the 

rooftops, it won't be that specifical word i save

for the ones in my life that i can't live without–

so i keep it hidden in my thoughts and only 

share it when the time is right and feeling is true. 

Being an older sister is talked about a lot: 

what it's like, how draining it is, how the oldest siblings 

are the perfectionist with the desire to please. 

but we never talk about the type of love we have for our younger ones–

how it is a different type of love that we save for the person

god created for us to serve and protect and cherish from 

the moment they're born to the moment we leave

because if we do our jobs right,

we will see them all the way through till the end of our days. 

but that piece of our heart that is saved just for our sibling,

creates a different type of feeling.

one that is so acute but so filling that it is impossible to describe

because sometimes we end our calls and i feel insignificant in your life,

but other times you tell me how you're doing and i feel lucky

to be someone who gets to hear about your day

but also proud to be someone apart of your life and growth

and to be someone who might not be the most important in your life

but someone who will always understand that small part of childhood

that we share and keep in our hearts.